Free Subs
And Why I'm Leaving it an Option to Pay
Money has always been one of the biggest hurdles in my life. I can remember going to the church with Mom and Grandma Petey to get commodities before my little brother was even born, not realizing my mom was trading change donations for nearly expired groceries to keep our family fed.
I remember when I learned that the other kids at school had to pay for their breakfast and lunch, and it wasn't until High School that I realized it was because we had food stamps. Poor kids got free food at school.
I've seen my family go through debt and bankruptcy, usually so that my brothers and I wouldn't have to do without the way my parents did when they were kids.
And as an adult, I can't say things got easier.
After my mother died, I stayed in the home of my cousin until I could find my own place. Legally, as far as FAFSA was convinced, I was homeless. And I'd never had a job because my Mom needed me (and her vehicle) available for her doctor appointments, something we had discussed.
At 19, I was handed a $46,000 settlement check from my car accident. At 19 years old Shortly after that, I started seeing the man who would become my abuser, and he helped me blow that entire check in less than two years. For me, it was the ability to quit the job I hated, pay my rent, focus on college full time, pay for food, treat myself a little, and treat this new love a lot. For him, it was mostly drug money.
By the time he died in a car accident and I was left to learn how to live without him (and learn how to accept that it had been abuse), I was without money, $10,000 in debt to the college I eventually dropped out of, and working as a waitress at the local Night Club.
I can't say things were much better when I met the man who would someday become my partner in life. There were weeks that we survived on bread, saltines, and canned goods with no labels. Even after moving to Southern Missouri and things getting better, I can't say our struggle has ended.
I was agoraphobic when we first moved into our current home almost a decade ago. I tried working an MLM, desperate to believe I could be a “boss babe” like they told me. I tried cleaning for someone who lived next door. I finally tried working at a Walgreens a few blocks away. I slowly, over four years, worked myself up to being able to drive to that Walgreens, and that was the game changer. Money wasn't quite so hard on us.
Of course, that's not saying it was always easy after that, either. My mental health made working full time impossible and part time a game of accommodations (and roadblocks). Even after finally getting health insurance thanks to Missouri's Medicaid expansion, I'm still a broken work in progress. Especially now that I'm living with chronic pain.
And life always happens as it does. Unexpected bills, car trouble, other health problems for either of us, unexpected events (good or bad) that require money…
Right now we're dealing with me working less than I have in years thanks to always being in pain, our car needing a new transmission and us only driving it to and from work, and spending hundred, now, on Uber for my many doctor's appointments. Not even considering regular expenses around that, and things I would like to put money toward as an author (or a person trying to make life easier with pain).
Long story much longer than intended… I get it. Some of us don't have the extra funds to put toward things like a $5 subscription on substack. Or even a $1 subscription on Patreon. I very truly understand.
Even if you might have the ability to make it with, the anxiety that comes with that extra bill can be so overwhelming. Trust me, I really get that!
And I also understand how much it sucks to really want to have access to content from your favorite creators that is hidden behind those paywalls you just can't swing for whatever reason.
I spent a bit of time reading notes on here that were lamenting about this very issue. And that sold it for me. Posts on my Substack will not be hidden behind a paywall. The option to be a paid subscriber is there for anyone who can support me that way that wants to. But it won't be the reason you aren't seeing my content.
That will mostly likely be because I took a nap and forgot to post. 😅